Daily Archives: November 13, 2017

Self-concluding remarks for written exams — Max (然而Vince又给我追加了两道题–虽然其实还蛮爽的)

Dear all my committee members,

I have completed all my 4 written exams finally at 8:00pm last Friday. Although I have not known the result of if I pass or not yet, I sincerely appreciate all your talent, generosity, and effort on making those exams for me. I did learn a lot during answering those questions, not only on technique theories but also on humanity and self-consciousness.

Here I would like to make a conclusion on both my achievement and my weakness by a self-analysis.

Achieved:
1) general understanding on four topics: Nematology, Phylogenetics, Statistics, and Genomics.
2) time-limited writing
3) comprehensive thinking on a depth of asking and solving questions
4) scientific methodologies and how they are built.
5) rethink my role and life.

Weakness:
1) time management should be improved: 4 exams were given with 48hrs (5 questions) , 28 hrs (3 questions), 8hrs (1 question), and 12 hrs (6 question). Every individual question could be a review paper if the time allowed, depending on how depth the answer would touch. Therefore the time management is vital. The planned time schedule I made was actually not the same as the real time consuming during answering, which then brought a lot pressure on following questions.

2) learned knowledge in my head is actually not as accurate or clear as what I expected. On some technique details, when I needed to touch specific depth and explain clearly, I noticed lots of uncertainties on those details. This condition not only forced me to go back and recheck those information, but also shacked and doubted my confidence on precision of my original understanding, which influenced me psychologically.

3) missing pieces in my knowledge system. Lots of crucial points were not well noticed in my research until I realize that during exams. Those missing pieces are indeed highly related with my research, for example, term “synteny” and all its related knowledge.

​4) for some questions like comparison of two methods or different materials, a better way to answer might be given following this structure: (1) historical reference summary on both methods or materials (2) conclude the common philosophical ideas and techniques used ​behind (3) experimental design on comparison with a developing viewpoint.

1), 2), 3), and 4) together become a factor to limit the depth and width of my answers within the given time. It is also a factor of unbalanced context between answers.

5) the writing was not clean, format or citation was not well polished or concluded. On one hand, during answering, I ate and digest references first then focusing on using my own words to write my understanding, so that some citations might be missed. On the other hand, the answer strategy was to build a structure first then to fill details in each part. However, sometimes I changed my mind on the answer structure during writing, so that it made my answer processing to be a fluster under a deadline pressure. Although my answers are not good enough as what I expected, I am very positive on my attitude of carefulness and honesty. This weakness could be improved with better time management and better mentally stable.

​Again, here lots of thanks to all my committee members ​for your great help. I’ll continue my research with what I gained from these exams. If you have any comment, question or concern when you grade my answers, please feel free to let me know.

Regards,
Max

2/2考题

更加开放的另一道题:

1. Describe your dream job (location, employer, field of concentration, duties and responsibilities).

Answer:

It is really hard for me to say an accurate answer, because life is unpredictable. I don’t want to simply give an answer like: I want to be a professor in future, or a scientist in a company, or as I’m planning now to be a lawyer and serve a law firm in a big city. However, I can definitely give a plan ahead.

Now I’m 31. There are several things take the main part of my life: 1) my parents. I pretty understand the US culture normally encourage people to be independent from their parents, and you may notice that son always beat his father in lots of movies. It is not my values. I sometimes would like to lower my individual need, but prefer to make my small family happy first. Therefore, I told myself that when my parents getting sick or getting really old, I don’t want to say this but it is inevitable, I will have no doubt to spend several years with them in China. In this case, I suppose I will have another 8-10 years chance to live apart from home.

2) My personal goal. It took me a very long time to realize what kind of person I am, and it took as long as that for me to figure out what kind of career I would like to contribute my entire life into. My childhood dream was to be a scientist, or a diplomat, or a lawyer. There are reasons: I love nature, and was fascinated by kinds of natural life; Zhou Enlai, the first primer minister is my idol (it could be the success of Chinese education); and I enjoy argue and talk to people. Somehow, I dislike government because of corruptions and hypocritical behaviors, so I never think about working for government. I watched a Chinese TV show when I was about 12 years old, and in that show, a famous defense counsel was killed by a criminal, and I clearly remembered I told my mom that night I’m afraid of death and I didn’t want to be a lawyer. My parents both started their job as accountants, but they let me decide my major by myself for my college study. So that I pick up biology because I do love nature. I sincerely feel that I’m very lucky to have a family like this and I could learn biology as my major. Not only does this major offer me a philosophical standpoint to see and understand this world, but also does bring me lots of opportunities and finally could study in the US. But life is really unpredictable: I’m learning science in the US, while got chance to touch the Embassy. And then met lots of lawyer friends. I still have no idea how a lawyer’s life look like, but I will never know if I don’t try. I always half-joking with my parents or friends: if there is a world war III, I will definitely hide in a college and teach. I hate war. But if there is a peaceful world, I will contribute a little energy on building a better human society, or try to influence more people of this world a little bit more, though I am just another common PhD student as everyone who has a unrealistic dream of saving this world.

Herein it is talking about my life in next 10 years, about from my 30 to 40. I wish to get into a top level law school first: Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Chicago, Columbia, or NYU. To achieve this, I need to get a LSAT score 175+/180. Dentons, a global law firm, might be one of my main targets, not only because it is top 10 law firm of the world, but also it has a strong influence in China. Location may not be decided, will depend on my next step. I wish I could travel between China and US flexibly as I need.

The hard part here is: my parents will be mad if I couldn’t get married first, but continue to study… However, that’s the third step of the plan. First is complete my PhD work nicely, second is to get the law school AD, then I will consider how to talk to my parents.

When I’m 40-50, I probably will spend more time with my parents and family members.
After my 60 or later, I wish to find a place like Clemson, quiet and beautiful. Reading and writing. To see if I could help more people. I do have a personal website, and have a life list to be completed. I have achieved some of them, and will continue to finish it. One of my goal is to live healthy at least to 80 years old.

Life is too complicated to be predicted. But it is different from reading another writer’s novel, I’m writing my own life, I can at least be initiative to do my own part as good as possible, and enjoy my precious life.

1/2 考题

准备oral的时候,通读了自己写的五份答卷。给老板的题目里有两道开放性题,觉得很想留下来。
初心啊,绝对不能忘的。

4. Read the attached paper “Strong inference” by John R. Platt (1964) and comment on your dissertation experiments in light of the ideas discussed in the section “A Yardstick of effectiveness”. How do your dissertation experiments fare regarding “The Question” described on page 352?

Answer:

An important lesson to my life is: do not easily trust some famous people’s quote, even that one is your idol. You may have no idea why or where they said those words, so that those famous people are always highly risky to be misunderstood by public. I recently started reading of Einstein’s biography by Isaacson. He had a famous saying, which I don’t agree with at all, “If we know what we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?” This sentence is more like a placebo to a depressed man who is totally lost in his work.

In my opinion, after 3 year growth of my PhD study, people who are doing research should have a clear mind on what they are doing. And more over, people should clearly understand WHY they are doing this. Taking my beginning motivation of taking PhD as a negative example: I remember when I first came back and talk with my advisor on my dissertation, I actually had no idea what things I want to do. I knew something about Next Generation Sequencing (NGS), and considered this will be a direction of future science. I told my advisor simply that I wished to do something with NGS then to do bioinformatics analyses on computer. At that time, I was 28, have worked a little out of the Ivory tower. A PhD degree, to me, is no more than a shining tag, which could prove the society that I am smart and valuable. I wished to learn some fancy techniques, become somewhat expert and get into an upper level of this cruel society. I clearly remembered that I was waiting for a question given from my advisor, and was getting ready to be a good employee of the lab to finish the task.

Fortunately and unfortunately, I got no specific task but a simply reply: you can do whatever you want. This is how my PhD education started, and which guide me to think about “questions” very first time. I can still remember the lost feeling of my first several weeks back to school. “Is this called research? I totally have no idea what kind of things should be researched, and totally have no idea what things I should do. ”

This was how my research first started. Luckily enough, my advisor did not just watch me drowning to die but offered several small projects as life jackets to keep me floating, moving and breathing. I was then coming back to complete a sheath nematode identification note, working on PCR of lance nematodes, anatomical observation of two lance nematodes, and finishing a class essay on phylogenetic analyses. That’s my first semester of my PhD student life. These guidance of small questions offered from my advisor finally helped me to build my own project.
I spent so many words on narrate a background information is because I think the step from zero to 1 is the most important step.

Once my brain started to move, several potential directions of my dissertation came out: to study biogeographic distribution of lance nematodes, to compare two species of lance nematodes, and to generate mitochondrial genome data of lance nematodes. Although there are several directions, they all belong to a big project: to collect information of lance nematodes and to build database for this increasingly risky plant-parasitic nematode. All of those questions could utilize NGS techniques, however, mitochondrial genome data could serve the other two directions as well., which is more fundamental. Logically, if we could generate more and accurate molecular data of lance nematode, both population genetics and parasitism function study would have more reference to stand on.

When I picked mitochondrial genome sequencing as my direction and presented it on department seminar, my sight on PhD study had changed a lot. As what I teach my students in TA now: never ignore some simple methods or techniques. Only if they could solve key questions, they could be the best techniques.
When my objective became clear and big question was targeted, I still met a huge number of questions in detail and got lost. Just like life that people always know and understand some big life principles, but always hard to achieve them in daily behavior, which is just the distance between a saint and a mortal. During my work on mitochondrial sequencing, I went through several steps and failures before I finally succeed. At the beginning, we simply want to get mitochondrial genome out. The technique difficulty was how could we get enough mitochondrial DNA from a single nematode. I tried a mitochondrial genome amplification kit, but failed many times. I tried Long PCR methods, failed many times again. I was totally lost in how to amplify mitochondrial genome based on poor amount of molecular references.
There is a key reason of my lost. I was trying to take advantage of NGS to generate data, but I didn’t follow the developing of this technique. NGS is developing all the time, and in 2016, it was already mature and capable to deal with single cell sequencing using whole genome sequencing. On the other side, although I expect the size of mitochondrial genome should be similar as other nematodes, this was only an unwritten hypothesis in my brain and I didn’t do anything to prove it. Moreover, the most important mistake I made: at that point I totally forgot my original purpose of building molecular database for lance nematode research, but just stuck in the failure of amplification of mitochondrial genome and became blind.

The light beam came into my darkness was my second committee meeting in November 2016. In the meeting, my committee members offered me two vital points to finally pull me out of the morass. One is on ”why do you want to sequence the mitochondrial genome”? The other one is on “why not try to amplify the whole genome and then pick out mitochondrial genome?” Although I kept trying another two month long PCR after the meeting, I finally notice one important thing: I am trying to eat a kiwi fruit in front of me, but my behavior is not like a human being, but like an ant. If the seed inside of kiwi fruit is the mitochondrial genome, as an ant, I can only dig a deep hole and try to reach it. If I am a human being, I will eat the entire the fruit, and I eat the seed as well. Especially, to use a spoon to peel the kiwi fruit is now a mature, systematic method. I started to refresh my mind and finally figure out a systematic way to obtain the mitochondrial genome: whole genome size estimation, theoretical coverage calculation of whole genome and mitochondrial genome, libraries preparation and sequencing, and assembling. Once you have a clear question, the really right question, you will have the best effectiveness on you research. If I didn’t grow up a little from the little ant, I may possibly get the kiwi seed after a huge amount of work. But eventually, the question is not only about mitochondrial genome, it’s all about lance nematode and their references, which is my original question for my PhD dissertation.

What Einstein said about research might be partially right: if we forget our purpose, we will get lost and have no idea what we are doing, which is normal in scientific researches because of the limitation of humanity. However, keep reviewing, thinking, and self-correcting is what we learned from science. Life can always find a way out and become better only if you keep fighting. I do love Einstein’s another saying, and strongly agree with it, ”Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving. ”

需要梳理思路写点儿日记什么的

明早来个早起?然后去刷点内容写点日记?
写什么?还是写感情的事情?还是写自己的分析?
有点不知道从哪儿着手。。。是说自己拿自己开刀还是有点怕吗
一方面观察别人,一方面又觉得自己心里有点儿不知道该怎么面对
感觉还是要把注意力收回来集中到自己的身上。。。

虽说自己很容易又会陷入翻船的境况,但是还是略有长进的吧至少自我安慰一下。还是长大点了的。。。
每次都这样用:长大点了。。。这种话来安慰自己?这真的好吗。。。

收不到消息就会陷入无错的状况。。。可是这种关注也是没有缘由的吧。。。
真羡慕可以完全无视外界的状态的人啊。。。

我该早点睡去。。。