虽然在离开家门前，想着完成四项工作就可以了。但是自己写完一大面paper晚上到家又刷完单词看完文章之后，还是顿了一下。
我真tm终于究竟还是开始上轨道了，虽然就这一天而已。
一觉睡过去，明天一切从头来过。
和背单词一样，一天一天凿过去。

终于在11点不到准备睡觉。睡前刷点儿文字，少许记录点东西。
由微软在爱尔兰设立的云储存问题，衍生出的关于国际法中数据保护即使用的相关立法。读得非常吃力。抽象词很多，而且由于是在谈立法，这比具体案例要来得更加抽象。刷了一遍下来，又其实因为积累不够所以没打算细嚼，所以并没有太多记忆。

今天开会的时候，大意是说自己很enjoy当前writing的状态。
事实的确如此。今天在办公室用了大约4个多小时写完的一段文字。虽然提交给老板后心底总会对未知的一堆批注有所抵触，但是和以往不同的是，很快自己就对自己说，其实写的还可以的。
可能是因为慢慢积攒的阅读量，让自己能依稀判断出文字的优劣了吧。如果说好paper的表达打9/10分，那我现在估摸着在7-8分徘徊了也说不准。
另一方面，心态的成长是显著的。稍微回溯一下，似乎心态难得能有如今这般，掂量在手心帷幄里不撒漏些什么。
也更加要留意自己的文字，到底是在为了被阅读而撰写，还是为了记录而铭写。
而说“铭写”其实也有点儿过了。就是说，纵然千万面，写下来的，还是应当力求真实不自欺。

如果说手机输入也是可以记录一些思想的话，其实我的blog可以变得非常絮絮叨叨。但是又很希望可以记录一些长文思考，记录一些真正意义上的写作。

网上炒陆奇离开百度的消息，于是稍微关注了一下。有一篇记录中描绘了陆奇是“行走的原则”也是和近期《原则》这本书相呼应。虽然说自己还没有读，但是想来让自己的生活更加充满原则是自己当务之急要做的。

连续颓丧了三天。昨天甚至连单词也没有刷完。今天在家浑浑噩噩，终于刷完了单词，又仿佛惩戒性地多刷了两组。傍晚打球也是很努力。然后不知不觉地，心里焦虑不安都清晰了起来，其中有一点，就是自己的心境和四下的一切不协调。工作，生活，各种。寻找成功，寻找个人意义，等等。

晚上险些又颓过去。稍微顿了顿，收拾起了如山般的衣物。

我的博客自然不能总是这样记录自己的生活状态。生活状态要尽快梳理好，然后透过自己的生活深入脑髓，来运作思想。

加油吧。自律，努力，看似单调乏味却又那么难以实现，可这就是你想要的生活。

许久不写东西了。今天是这段时间第二次没有按时背完单词。上一次是5月4号。
让我慢慢地用这些剩下的日子来写些什么东西下来。现在的时候就只是累得很。小时候，曾经不小心踩进过熟石灰塘。看起来白白砖头似的石灰块儿，其实和豆腐一样，吃不住重量。自己的个头儿也是小。于是慌乱着踩着周边，两手还去抓四周围。却怎么也借不到力，就那么往那洼浆白浆白的池子中间陷。
我都不大记得是如何挣扎出来的了。记忆里就只有那种下陷的无助感。

心态几欲爆炸的时候，被我亲爱的吉他拯救了。

Well, it is still a strange feeling to write diary in English, which might be normal behavior for fluent writer. I would like to record several points as a review of my personality, which needs to be built more and upgraded.
1) mental/psychological independence
2) consistency with vibrant initiative (could i use “vibrant” as adjective to “initiative”?)
3) plan and strategy.
4) fulfillment, contentedness, tranquility

So, this is typing in the cooper library. I guess English will be fine for recording take-home information from lectures this morning.
Two points I want to note here are:
1) about math. The first speaker was from Iowa, and he is a statistician. It was interesting when I engross into his model, I somehow suddenly make sense of how define those letters used in the equation. Basically, the letter was used to represent different values. Or, before that, the “things”, which mathematicians paid attention on, could somehow be quantitatively identified. That’s how every single number, was trying to express.
The basic information we could get from those simplified world in mathematical universe is “existing or not”, then, “big or small”. Even a dynamic value, could be used as values of one representative changed during a specific range.
That might be the fundamental idea that math is always trying to tell us. However, that’s just an expectation of output from our virtual world. In math world, you may want to clarify the logical relations between numbers. Then math theories or methods came out.
mind game.

Second one was about a speaker who is a good scientist but not the best speaker. Although his oral is not attracting, people may even think it was boring. I almost fell asleep at the beginning. However, I noticed that there were some other professors, who were obviously more familiar with the topic than me, concentrating on the speaker very well. I felt shame because of my naive and ego(or maybe other words), then force myself to focus. I did it, and felt myself become better listener.

the third one was fantastic. I will definitely conclude more information letter. the vocabulary was attracting me very well at the beginning because I saw some familiar words recited recently. this enlighten me to think how those american people learn english and use those words pricously. Second is about the speaker’s open and broad mind on vital key hunting. It was a great thinking strategy to figure out a key to the potential problem which could be the most important point. She used a world map and conclude most important varities, but not take all of them, but just focus on part of it. (just trying to record first, and will edit this passage later.) Of course, she has her own phylosopy to narrow down the category. This part show me a good way to learn how to think.
The next part is fantastic to me because she clearly show me from how to do a scientific research from macroworld of phynotype to microworld on QTL then filter out the keys, and went back to check the macroworld characteristics.

All of these will be rethink again. And now it is the time to go back and continue the afternoon session.

这些日子，与其说在整理数据为写文做铺垫，以及在梳理语法为语言基本功查漏补缺，不如说在磨心性。今早的一个“owing to”，反应慢半拍的原因，是因为自己完全不熟悉。owing to是昨天看语法书的时候才留意到，当时就觉得这样的词汇其实是中学时期的基本内容。但是不管基本与否，只要不会的，就是一座山头。
然后理出了23andme，忽然想起其实很早之前应该就去挖掘一下原始数据，无论怎样也可以自己保留一份备份来着。
乘着过敏现象好转了些，每天还是得吃药，但是对吃药本身也不那么排斥了。生活得态度其实也有些慢慢变化。虽然说还是各种毛病残存在身上，也有些忧心自己的身材，但是毕竟跑步可以跑满6千米以上，有过这样的经历，就觉得生活其实还是蛮多希望的。
回想之前，螺旋上升的时候，也有过自省着自省着，然后能够在客观上物质上都对自己敞亮着规范起来。然后到达一个新的平台。现在可能是得在自己前路的绝望中再进一步挖掘出希望来。因为之前的自己的确还不够格来往前跨步。所以再重新挖出希望的时候，是不是就是自己又蜕变着往前迈了一大步了？
稍微清理一下自己的list，然后想着得把敲字儿双语化一些。

之前一直嘟嘟囔囔着要个pad，然而每次一到店面，就有些犹豫。虽说自己只是因为穷，但也并不是。应该说是不觉得有花钱的必要。然而这时候坐在床里面，又不想浪费了睡前的一点儿时间。想着阅读些什么，甚至是写点什么，于是就又想到了pad。

然而，事实则是：我现在在手机上敲自己的文字，实在是比那些其它大pad或是本子要来得方便许多。

再者，这样略显慵懒的放松，脑子里过一过明儿的计划，未尝不是一件好事。